Back in my long and distant past when I was a mere youth, every other weekend I would zoom down to Bournemouth for a weekend of dancing the night away on some dancefloor or stage somewhere. Many a time I could be found swaying and bopping away in one revealing attire or another, dancing away without a care in the world. One song that will always remind me of these wonder years will be Insomnia by Faithless. Fast forward twenty something years and insomnia is no longer something that raises a smile.
I recently released a blog titled Sleepyhead, that spoke of how despite exhaustion, I would stay up late just for a precious piece of Shelley time and for the wonderful sound of silence. It turns out that alas I am not just a sleepyhead but a long term insomniac, according to my lovely general practitioner.
Insomnia is an umbrella term for poor sleep, which is believed to effect as many a one in three of us. Poor sleep is being unable to get off to sleep, waking up too early, being awake for long periods during the night, or not feeling refreshed after a night’s sleep. I am a being awake for long periods during the night kind of girl. I can fall asleep in an instant, but fast forward a couple of hours and I am awake, and then either wide awake for ages, or broken sleep until it is time to get up and start the day without having experiencing the sleepiness of night.
My doctor kindly printed off eight whole pages of information on insomnia, which possibly has a double purpose of both empowering the patient and boring them with facts to induce sleep. The text freaked me out a little bit, as apparently the medical term for tips to help you sleep is called sleep hygiene which just conjures up images in my over active mind, that I would benefit greatly from washing my *whistle* before settling down for the night. What sleep hygiene actually consists of is recommending that you reduce caffeine intake, do not smoke, do not consume alcohol, avoid heavy meals, and do not undertake strenuous exercise four hours before bedtime. No flannel required for any of the above. Believe me, after four months of sleep deprivation, I have tried most things, and as a result I find that I am a caffeine free, non-smoking, tee-totaller, vegetarian grazer of a lazy cow of an insomniac.
I believe that everything we experience in life is part of our life learning and growth, and so it seems that my insomnia has taught me that there are two types of people when it comes to talking about my insomnia. Group one will tell me “Yeh, I didn’t sleep very well last night either”, whereas group two will set themselves upon a one man mission to find the cure to my insomnia. Now, as touching and sweet as the second group are (group one can feck off, you have no idea what insomnia is like), nothing has worked, but based on ‘sharing is caring’ I hereby list all the tried and tested modalities for my fellow insomniacs to try:
- Higher dimensional healing
- Spiritual healing
- Quartz crystal bowl healing
- Sound healing
- Reiki
- Meditation
- Bach’s sleep remedy drops
- Caffeine free
- Smoking free
- Alcohol free
- Gastronomic feast free
- Strenuous exercise free
- Washing you private bits
- Himalayan salts
- Bath
- Shower
- Being grubby
- Incense
- Candles
- Subdued lighting
- No television
- No mobile phones or electronic gadgets
- Ear plugs
- Eye mask
- Reading before bedtime
- Not clock watching
- Getting up and doing something at stupid o’clock
- Deep breathing exercises
- No daytime napping
- Only using the bedroom as a bedroom
I have yet to work may way through antihistamines, melatonin, valerian and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, but until then, I am off for a cup of decaffeinated tea whilst hatching a plan to cull alleged tired people from group one.
