Once Upon A Time…
…there was a high school aged girl called Shelley, who was asked to write down what she would like to achieve ten years from now. At the time, ten years on would have made me the ripe old age of twenty-four years old. Or twenty-four years young to put it more accurately. Out of all the things I have done in my life since 1987, I still remember this particularly piece of school work we were set, whereby I obediently jotted down and doodled what I would like to have achieved when I reached twenty-four years of age: I would like to be a married secretary with two children. And a white car. Living the dream.
Maybe this is the dream of many a fourteen year old girl, but I for one, was not one of these girls. To be honest, it was really my idea of hell and a life ‘lived’ too safely. I cannot recall if I wrote it down to please my father’s vision and expectations of what he thought I should become in order to perceived as a success in life, or if in my sheer panic of not even knowing what I wanted for dinner that night, let alone know what I planned on doing with my life a decade on, I copied the work of the school girl next to me. Either way, the documented alleged dream was not my dream.
It is almost funny that I wrote it down, as at the time, the acne-ridden school girl Shelley had no desire whatsoever to become married, have children, had failed my cycle proficiency test, and was totally rubbish at touch typing, so become a virtuoso secretary was probably out of the equation too. However, what is without laughter, is the scary amount of people who do live a dream or expectation set out by someone else, rather than to create and follow their own hopes and desires for themselves; people pleasers. Parents expecting us to take a particular career path, siblings pressuring us to do something that doesn’t always sit right with the true us, and friends, or even strangers, blurting out their opinions of our life path and choices.
I would like to say I have heard it all, I fear I have not, but I have been told that I will never amount to anything spiritually because I didn’t like a certain book that kick-started someone else’s spiritual path, I have thrown my life away for quitting my nursing career, writing isn’t a proper job, I am a fool for coming off the property ladder, and I am mad for having four children. Don’t you just feel like throttling people with their own halos sometimes, when they stand there nick-picking at your life, rather than working on their own existence?
Whilst it may seem like a beautiful gift to please all of those around you, people pleasing is giving away the gift of your very own unique life. If this is all you know to do, I can offer you no great words of wisdom, as I am a fiesty little madam who goes for all the things I am intrigued by in life and want to achieve for my own curiosity and growth.
I could suggest you start saying “no” to all the requests put upon you, start asking for things you desire for yourself, create different and new choices for yourself, create a mantra or affirmation as a daily reminder of how fabulous you and your life are, do something just for you at least once a day, compromise rather than being a complete pushover, look at any blocks or fears you carry which may be why you choose to people please rather than person please, set priorities and boundaries in all your relationships, and never base your self-worth on what you do for others. You need to learn and know that you are good enough and worth everything you desire for yourself. Never seek your worth from the standards of others, know your worth, know your dreams, and start creating your own fairytale to share with others who deserve to be part of your unique story.