Mother’s Day by Aldi

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Dear children of mine,

Whilst driving to work yesterday morning, I heard a radio advert encouraging children of all ages to pop along to Aldi to buy a gift for their special Mum. Now, I know ‘it’s the thought that counts’ but please do not frequent Aldi for your present choices for the forthcoming Mother’s Day.

No-one ever tells you the extent of job roles you have to undertake as a parent so whilst I am locked in the toilet having my first wee in five hours I thought I would start doing a list of my parenting personas to enlighten you all:

*Taxi driver.

*Appointments clerk.

*Lollipop lady and other road safety roles.

*Travel agent for meeting all your day trip requirements.

*Cook.

*Nutritionist.

*Waitress.

*Restaurant manager.

*Dishwasher.

*Complaints and Customer Services Manager.

*Cleaner.

*Maintainence and Property Management.

*Laundry including collection, washing, drying, folding and room delivery service.

*Bed making and other hotel services.

*Personal shopper.

*Stylist.

*Costume designer and seamstress.

*Teacher.

*Support worker in delinquent services.

*First aider.

*Logistics expert.

*Refuse and recycling services.

*Environmentalist with specialist interest in turning off lights.

*Forensic scientist investigating both body fluids and crime scenes.

*Counsellor.

*Referee.

*Dental hygienist.

*Continence care nurse.

*Hairdresser.

*Manicurist.

*Pedicurist.

*Gift selection and wrapping services for weekly parties.

*Comedian for lightening the mood.

*Dance judge as you try to express yourself through the medium of contemporary dance.

In addition, despite this varied role, I receive no annual leave, sick pay, pension scheme or loyalty card. The pay is shocking enough as it is and without annual reviews or increased cost of living but I have never gone on strike which I must accredit to my former career of nursing.

So, my beautiful beloved children, draw me a picture, make me a sandwich, sing me a song or let me have an uninterrupted wee but please do not go to Aldi as a thank you gift.

Love always,

Mum x x x x

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