Good Grief

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It is said “time heals” which suggests that over time, our wounds, be they physical or emotional, will naturally start to heal. I think that in terms of loss, such as the death of a loved one, time can start to soothe the initial rawness we experience, but does time ever heal us entirely? The answer is probably different for each of us and our own life story. Maybe the secret to our healing lies in how we initially grieve, where Elisabeth Kubbler-Ross proffers we will undergo denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, before moving forward in terms of recovery and personal growth. When one of my dearest friends lost her mum, she was informed that she was not grieving properly, as apparently she was not crying enough. Not only did my friend feel wretched enough about the newly found void in her life, she was rubbish at grieving to boot.

My beautiful step-dad would have been seventy-five years old this week, had he not passed ten years ago. Ten years. Ten full years and some. That is a lot of healing if the old adage “time heals” is to be believed. And have I healed? I do not honestly know. I have coped, grown, and life has gone on, but every now and then, I will have days when I miss him desperately, and shout up to his celestial plane to tell him just how much I miss him. Yes, because that is really going to make a difference, she says in a sarcastic tone.

My dad used to say “It’ll be alright.” This would apply to any unexpected occurrence in life, from cocking up a recipe to receiving a diagnosis of cancer, always “It’ll be alright.” As a gothic teenager, his words would swing me somewhere between sheer annoyance to laughter, depending on the circumstances of which he spoke. At times, I would feel frustrated by his complacency to always respond with “It’ll be alright.” Now, three-fold in age of my teenage years, I realise my dad was not complacent, just loving and wise. Regardless of whether or not we reach our desired outcomes, things will always be alright. Life goes on.

So do we ever truly heal? I suspect if I ponder or delve into the subject for a considerably length of time, the answer will be “no” but having had my life blessed with my dad, I do think everything will always be alright.

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